Snow blown Palms

For the first time in 20 years, it is snowing in Barcelona. At first, a novelty that seemed unlikely to persevere past the hour. But now, 6 hours in, the Barcelonians are curious, fearful, bemused. On the train to the job I shouldn´t have come in for today, people were snapping photo after photo of the whizzing snow flurries, the snow sheeps sleeping on the boughs of palm trees, the ice-encrusted station signs. The snow - sunk parked cars, and slush rivers were like the celebrities on the ¨alfombra roja¨ (red carpet, doesn´t alfombra make you think of a rug?...love it!) at last nights Oscars - as the train car filled with the sounds of digital cameras Phssshing....clickin...
I am lucky to be here. On my own terms, alone, and euro-pinching. At least, I feel this way today. I work very little, I am spending money only on working out and preparing for theater work..I just signed up for a week-long physical theater intensive, open only to 12 actors and 2 directors, at the Jerzy Gratowski institute in Brezinzka Poland..This is the first time in my life that I have been truly alone like this, without a boyfriend´s distraction, or even a lot of hours of employment to focus on..I am under my lens. Often, Iḿ critical..thinking that I SHOULD (oof...a therapistś least-favorite word) be at another place in my life..settled, married, in a career, sorted away..having processed childhood wounds and therefore ready to give to a greater good. Heal people, change lives. But having removed myself from my life in California, and being around an international community, I am forced to face the truth of who I am, what I project, where I´ve been, what I want, what my body and spirit absolutely requires, what I want my life to be. This is some expensive, harrowing, incredibly fun and enriching therapy..I am giving myself gifts and lessons that are permeating my whole being...preparing ..it is at once freeing, exhausting, entertaining, and terrifying...lost in the blizzard of becoming...